(2015)

You seen this ad on Facebook? Stop Negative Thoughts, it says, in big scary letters. Sort of New Age-ishly Orwellian. “In the last decade, the world’s leading scientists created groundbreaking research on the science of happiness.” Now you know what the world’s leading scientists have been up to. “Happify has transformed this science into activities and games that train you to overcome negative thoughts, worrying, and stress.” Though you gotta wonder about those activities. Or was that a dirty thought. Maybe those are allowed.

I like my negative thoughts. Why would anyone want to have nothing but happy thoughts? You might as well be on heroin. Have these world’s leading scientists ever been stuck in a room full of people with nothing but happy thoughts? The boredom alone will kill you. Of course, all you have to do is utter some of your negative thoughts aloud and watch all the happy thoughts darken into consternated thoughts. The Groucho effect. How that elephant got into my pajamas I’ll never know.

Dirty thoughts, too.

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